Every once in a while in my life I come to a point where I'm unhappy with the way things have been going for me.

I need to get motivated and get my DJ resume together (both Broadcast and Club) I need a computer that's powerful enough (And has a large enough harddrive) so I can record some fucking music... It's been killing me not being able to create what I want.

I also need a peer group. People who will be instrumental in acheiving my goals, Matt's in Murfreesboro and I hardly see him, Valorie is annoyed by anything I do (Breathing included), and everyone else is...

what am I saying.. there is no-one else.

Actually, that's not exactly true.

My good friend Adam has helped me with several items I've needed printed, has offered to help me with my resume, and is pretty much always there for me when I need to chat about movies or games or other non-personal items of disintrest.

Bill, well he's pretty busy, but I know that as long as he's in the US (Not in Mexico) I have someone who really cares about me as a friend and would help me at a moments notice. Matt is also pretty much family.

Nick is living the big life in the NYC, and if I wanna go, I know I have a place to stay for a bit.

I still have aquaintances and other "friends", but no-one that I'm that close to. I need more people like that. Call me needy, but hey, everyone needs to be loved. And right now, that's what I need in the worst way.

I guess I'm just depressed. I'm not as self-sufficient as I need to be, I'm not making the money that I should be making (Damn NHL!!) And I'm currently setting myself up for disaster, simply because I'm an idealist/optimist and figure that things will get better as long as I try harder.

However, if the forces that be are aligned against you, it's easy to crumble under the pressure.

I'm sure there's some japanese fable that includes an elephant a gang of tigers and a lonely walnut that could give me the hope and inspiration I need to make it through this oncoming x-mas season.

last thing I need to be is manic on the holidays. It's supposed to be a time of JOY goddammmit!!!!!!!

FUCKING JOY!!!!!!

(Untussles hair and straightens tie and jacket)

(With Forced Smile) I'm not going to let the season of goodwill become my cavern of doom and gloom. I'm perfectly fine. I'm perfectly fine, I'm perfectly F. I. N. E.

Ok...

Sorry, by this time you're probably asking youself what's wrong with PDS. I'm not mentally disturbed, I'm just a bit under the weather.

Hell, it happens to all of us.

Depression.

And I have a cold.

that sucks as well.

oh, well.